I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
