I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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