Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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