I wanna bring you to show and tell
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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