im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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