take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize