Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
