now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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