i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
