You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
