So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
