This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize