Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
