Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
