The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
