So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
