you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
