I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
