if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
