Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
