Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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