He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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