Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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