This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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