He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
please don't ironically join a cult
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