dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
