Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
