i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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