I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize