wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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