Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
