She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
