I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
