Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My nipple is on Facebook.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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