i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
