Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
