Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
