They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
