ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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