and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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