the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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