She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize