Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
