speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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