Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What happened to fro yo and sex?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
