Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
