The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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