Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
