Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
