we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
