Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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