I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
