Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
