So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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