so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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