Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize