Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
