I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
