i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
