toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can text with my tongue
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize