so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
did i just pee glitter
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