i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
