I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think my moral compass just broke
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