I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
