What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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