she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
