oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
