hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
