And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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