haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize