Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
