the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
