She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
