yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
