I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
