why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
