this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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