oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
