All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
