Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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