going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
