You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
