good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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