Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
