my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
