i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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