i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
