pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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