Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
