Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
