I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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