I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
