New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
