We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize