Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
