Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
