i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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