My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
