Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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