Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
