Having a random hookup so left but love u
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
