he was CRYING into my vagina
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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