you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
