i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
