dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
