Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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