Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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