Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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