I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
40s are totally the cure
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
