dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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