just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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