My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
