I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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