I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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