I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
