his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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